1 You're different... I've never felt like this about someone I've never met before.
2 I'm new online and haven't had time to create a profile... but tell me more about yourself.
3 I never do Cybersex! Yet here in this room alone with you, well, I'm getting excited.
4 I'm 5'4, blonde hair, blue eyes and everyone loves my body!
5 I'm 6'0, great tan, and buffed from working out.
6 Yes of course I'm female...
7 I'm in this private room consoling a depressed friend.
8 No this is my only screen name... You mean you can have more then one?
9 I'm not like most of the guy's/gal's here, I want to meet so we can just have coffee and get to know each other. (at the hotel coffee shop)
10 I don't care what you look like, it's what's on the inside that counts (Which is true, it means: I'm horny and could care less, just type)
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
WINDOWS XP ERROR MESSAGES
A few of the new error messages that were taken under consideration during the development of the Windows XP operating system...
• Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
• Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
• BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.
• Close your eyes and press escape three times.
• File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
• Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
• Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
• Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
• Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"
• Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)"
• Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
• Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
• BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.
• Close your eyes and press escape three times.
• File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
• Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
• Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
• Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
• Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"
• Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)"
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Upgrade Girlfriend
Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriendPlus1.0 (marketing name: Fiancee1.0).
Recently he upgraded Fiancee1.0 to Wife1.0 and it's a memory hogger, has taken all his space; and Wife1.0 must be running before he can do anything. Although he didn't ask for them, Wife1.0 came with Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw and BrotherInLaw.
Some features I'd like to see in the upcoming GirlFriend4.0. - A "Don't remind me again" button - Minimize button - Shutdown feature - An install shield feature so that Girlfriend4.0 can be completely uninstalled if so desired (so you don't lose cache and other objects)
I tried running Girlfriend 2.0 with Girlfriend 1.0 still installed, they tried using the same I/O port and conflicted. Then I tried to uninstall Girlfriend 1.0 but it didn't have an uninstall program. I tried to uninstall it by hand, but it put files in my system directory.
Another thing that sucks -- in all versions of Girlfriend that I've used is that it is totally "object orientated" and only supports hardware with gold plated contacts.
***** BUG WARNING ******** Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.
Recently he upgraded Fiancee1.0 to Wife1.0 and it's a memory hogger, has taken all his space; and Wife1.0 must be running before he can do anything. Although he didn't ask for them, Wife1.0 came with Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw and BrotherInLaw.
Some features I'd like to see in the upcoming GirlFriend4.0. - A "Don't remind me again" button - Minimize button - Shutdown feature - An install shield feature so that Girlfriend4.0 can be completely uninstalled if so desired (so you don't lose cache and other objects)
I tried running Girlfriend 2.0 with Girlfriend 1.0 still installed, they tried using the same I/O port and conflicted. Then I tried to uninstall Girlfriend 1.0 but it didn't have an uninstall program. I tried to uninstall it by hand, but it put files in my system directory.
Another thing that sucks -- in all versions of Girlfriend that I've used is that it is totally "object orientated" and only supports hardware with gold plated contacts.
***** BUG WARNING ******** Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.
 |
| http://www.buddthompson.com/ |
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
IN THE BEGINNING...
In the beginning was the computer. And God said: Let there be light!
#You have not signed on yet.
:God.
#Enter user password.
:Omniscient.
#Password Incorrect. Try again!
:Omnipotent.
#Password Incorrect. Try again!
#You have not signed on yet.
:God.
#Enter user password.
:Omniscient.
#Password Incorrect. Try again!
:Omnipotent.
#Password Incorrect. Try again!
YOU KNOW YOU'RE ADDICTED TO THE INTERNET WHEN...
• Your bookmarks takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
• You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue when it happened.
• All of your friends have an @ in their names.
• You've already visited all the links at Yahoo and you're halfway through Excite.
• You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
• Your phone bill is delivered in a box.
• You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
• The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.
• You forget what year it is.
• You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is allowed to call 200 hours per month "unlimited."
Book mark
• You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue when it happened.
• All of your friends have an @ in their names.
• You've already visited all the links at Yahoo and you're halfway through Excite.
• You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
• Your phone bill is delivered in a box.
• You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
• The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.
• You forget what year it is.
• You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is allowed to call 200 hours per month "unlimited."
Book mark
Monday, January 24, 2011
Higher Source - The REAL Story...
RANCHO SANTA FE, CALIFORNIA, APRIL 1 -- The 39 men and women found dead after an apparent mass suicide were evidently web developers who were despondent about the delayed release of Microsoft Corporation's Internet Explorer 4.0 web browser. The victims were all members of a web design firm called "Higher Source Contract Enterprises."
The San Diego County Sheriff's department confirmed the finding of a suicide note located in the Windows "Recycle Bin" of one of the servers used by the group. In the note, one of the Higher Source employees was quoted as saying "We can't take the wait anymore" and "life is just unbearable without IE 4.0."
A Microsoft employee who asked not to be named confirmed that approximately 2,751 requests had been received from Higher Source members to join the beta testing program for the Internet Explorer software, but that these requests had gone unanswered. "The betareq people are overloaded with requests," he said. "We're still trying to finish fulfilling kits for the Windows 95 Preview Program."
At least two of Higher Source's clients admitted that Higher Source representatives had promised them web sites built using Internet Explorer 4.0. One client said that he had been promised a "Dynamic HTML web site with CDF push channels" by April 1, 1997. Authorities have speculated that it was this impending deadline, along with the inability to obtain the required software, that might have prompted the group to rash action.
Crime scene photos show that at least some members of Higher Source attempted to switch to Netscape Corporation technology at the last minute. In some of the photographs, open manuals for Netscape's "Constellation" beta software can be seen with handwritten notes in the margin such as "THIS DOESN'T WORK!!!!" and "NOT CSS COMPLIANT!!!!" "Higher Source believed a rumor posted on Usenet that IE 4.0 Platform Preview was available on a rogue FTP site located behind the Hale-Bopp comet," said a spokesperson for the Sheriff's department. "They believed they needed to become 'one' with the comet in order to download Internet Explorer."
Forensic pathologists have speculated that the web design group's nearly exclusive diet of Pop Tarts, pizza, and Jolt cola was a contributory factor in the group psychosis.
The InterNIC registry, run by Network Solutions Inc. of Herndon, Virginia has confirmed that there are currently no Internet sites registered on or behind the Hale-Bopp comet, while admitting to a 27-month backlog of domain name requests.
Officials at Microsoft Corporation could not be reached for comment.
The San Diego County Sheriff's department confirmed the finding of a suicide note located in the Windows "Recycle Bin" of one of the servers used by the group. In the note, one of the Higher Source employees was quoted as saying "We can't take the wait anymore" and "life is just unbearable without IE 4.0."
A Microsoft employee who asked not to be named confirmed that approximately 2,751 requests had been received from Higher Source members to join the beta testing program for the Internet Explorer software, but that these requests had gone unanswered. "The betareq people are overloaded with requests," he said. "We're still trying to finish fulfilling kits for the Windows 95 Preview Program."
At least two of Higher Source's clients admitted that Higher Source representatives had promised them web sites built using Internet Explorer 4.0. One client said that he had been promised a "Dynamic HTML web site with CDF push channels" by April 1, 1997. Authorities have speculated that it was this impending deadline, along with the inability to obtain the required software, that might have prompted the group to rash action.
Crime scene photos show that at least some members of Higher Source attempted to switch to Netscape Corporation technology at the last minute. In some of the photographs, open manuals for Netscape's "Constellation" beta software can be seen with handwritten notes in the margin such as "THIS DOESN'T WORK!!!!" and "NOT CSS COMPLIANT!!!!" "Higher Source believed a rumor posted on Usenet that IE 4.0 Platform Preview was available on a rogue FTP site located behind the Hale-Bopp comet," said a spokesperson for the Sheriff's department. "They believed they needed to become 'one' with the comet in order to download Internet Explorer."
Forensic pathologists have speculated that the web design group's nearly exclusive diet of Pop Tarts, pizza, and Jolt cola was a contributory factor in the group psychosis.
The InterNIC registry, run by Network Solutions Inc. of Herndon, Virginia has confirmed that there are currently no Internet sites registered on or behind the Hale-Bopp comet, while admitting to a 27-month backlog of domain name requests.
Officials at Microsoft Corporation could not be reached for comment.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Where Do Delete Characters Go?
QUESTION: Where do the characters go when I use my backspace or delete them on my PC?
ANSWER: The characters go to different places, depending on whom you ask:
The Catholic Church's approach to characters: The nice characters go to Heaven, where they are bathed in the light of happiness. The naughty characters are punished for their sins. Naughty characters are those involved in the creation of naughty words, such as "breast," "sex" and "contraception."
The Buddhist explanation: If a character has lived rightly, and its karma is good, then after it has been deleted it will be reincarnated as a different, higher character. Those funny characters above the numbers on your keyboard will become numbers, numbers will become letters, and lower-case letters will become upper-case.
The 20th-century bitter cynical nihilist explanation: Who cares? It doesn't really matter if they're on the page, deleted, undeleted, underlined, etc. It's all the same.
The Mac user's explanation: All the characters written on a PC and then deleted go to straight to PC hell. If you're using a PC, you can probably see the deleted characters, because you're in PC hell also.
Stephen King's explanation: Every time you hit the (Del) key you unleash a tiny monster inside the cursor, who tears the poor unsuspecting characters to shreds, drinks their blood, then eats them, bones and all. Hah, hah, hah!
Dave Barry's explanation: The deleted characters are shipped to Battle Creek, Michigan, where they're made into Pop-Tart filling; this explains why Pop-Tarts are so flammable, while cheap imitations are not flammable. I'm not making this up.
IBM's explanation: The characters are not real. They exist only on the screen when they are needed, as concepts, so to delete them is merely to de-conceptualize them. Get a life.
PETA's (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) explanation: You've been DELETING them??? Can't you hear them SCREAMING??? Why don't you go CLUB some BABY SEALS while wearing a MINK, you pig!!!!
Joel Garreau (garreau@well.com), as reported in his Cybersurfing column in the Washington Post.
ANSWER: The characters go to different places, depending on whom you ask:
The Catholic Church's approach to characters: The nice characters go to Heaven, where they are bathed in the light of happiness. The naughty characters are punished for their sins. Naughty characters are those involved in the creation of naughty words, such as "breast," "sex" and "contraception."
The Buddhist explanation: If a character has lived rightly, and its karma is good, then after it has been deleted it will be reincarnated as a different, higher character. Those funny characters above the numbers on your keyboard will become numbers, numbers will become letters, and lower-case letters will become upper-case.
The 20th-century bitter cynical nihilist explanation: Who cares? It doesn't really matter if they're on the page, deleted, undeleted, underlined, etc. It's all the same.
The Mac user's explanation: All the characters written on a PC and then deleted go to straight to PC hell. If you're using a PC, you can probably see the deleted characters, because you're in PC hell also.
Stephen King's explanation: Every time you hit the (Del) key you unleash a tiny monster inside the cursor, who tears the poor unsuspecting characters to shreds, drinks their blood, then eats them, bones and all. Hah, hah, hah!
Dave Barry's explanation: The deleted characters are shipped to Battle Creek, Michigan, where they're made into Pop-Tart filling; this explains why Pop-Tarts are so flammable, while cheap imitations are not flammable. I'm not making this up.
IBM's explanation: The characters are not real. They exist only on the screen when they are needed, as concepts, so to delete them is merely to de-conceptualize them. Get a life.
PETA's (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) explanation: You've been DELETING them??? Can't you hear them SCREAMING??? Why don't you go CLUB some BABY SEALS while wearing a MINK, you pig!!!!
Joel Garreau (garreau@well.com), as reported in his Cybersurfing column in the Washington Post.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
WordPerfect
The following is actual dialog of a former WordPerfect Customer
Support employee:
"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went
away.",
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I
type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it
have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power
cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into
the wall."
"Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two
cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the
other cable."
"Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back
of your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's
dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in
from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power outage."
"A power ... A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your
computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like
it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it
from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."
Support employee:
"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went
away.",
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I
type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it
have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power
cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into
the wall."
"Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two
cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the
other cable."
"Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back
of your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's
dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in
from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power outage."
"A power ... A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your
computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like
it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it
from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."
Friday, January 21, 2011
What if People Bought Cars Like They Buy Computers?
General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know how to
drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers -- but imagine
if they did . . .
HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!"
HELPLINE: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
CUSTOMER: "What's an ignition?"
HELPLINE: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and
turns over the engine."
CUSTOMER: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have
to know all of these technical terms just to use my car?"
---------------------------------------
HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!"
HELPLINE: "Is the gas tank empty?"
CUSTOMER: "Huh? How do I know!?"
HELPLINE: "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle,
and markings from 'E' to 'F.' Where is the needle pointing?"
CUSTOMER: "It's pointing to 'E.' What does that mean?"
HELPLINE: "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor, and purchase
some more gasoline. You can install it yourself, or pay
the vendor to install it for you."
CUSTOMER: "What!?" I paid $12,000. for this car! Now you tell me
that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car
that comes with everything built in!"
----------------------------------------
HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "Your cars suck!"
HELPLINE: "What's wrong?"
CUSTOMER: "It crashed, that's what went wrong!"
HELPLINE: "What were you doing?"
CUSTOMER: "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator
pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a while,
and then it crashed -- and now it won't start!"
HELPLINE: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do
you expect us to do about it?"
CUSTOMER: "I want you to send me one of the latest version that
doesn't crash anymore!"
--------------------------------------------
HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car
because it has automatic transmission, cruise control,
power steering, power brakes, and power door locks."
HELPLINE: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "How do I work it?"
HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?"
CUSTOMER: "Do I know how to what?"
HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?"
CUSTOMER: "I'm not a technical person! I just want to go places in my
car!"
drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers -- but imagine
if they did . . .
HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!"
HELPLINE: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
CUSTOMER: "What's an ignition?"
HELPLINE: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and
turns over the engine."
CUSTOMER: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have
to know all of these technical terms just to use my car?"
---------------------------------------
HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!"
HELPLINE: "Is the gas tank empty?"
CUSTOMER: "Huh? How do I know!?"
HELPLINE: "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle,
and markings from 'E' to 'F.' Where is the needle pointing?"
CUSTOMER: "It's pointing to 'E.' What does that mean?"
HELPLINE: "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor, and purchase
some more gasoline. You can install it yourself, or pay
the vendor to install it for you."
CUSTOMER: "What!?" I paid $12,000. for this car! Now you tell me
that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car
that comes with everything built in!"
----------------------------------------
HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "Your cars suck!"
HELPLINE: "What's wrong?"
CUSTOMER: "It crashed, that's what went wrong!"
HELPLINE: "What were you doing?"
CUSTOMER: "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator
pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a while,
and then it crashed -- and now it won't start!"
HELPLINE: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do
you expect us to do about it?"
CUSTOMER: "I want you to send me one of the latest version that
doesn't crash anymore!"
--------------------------------------------
HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car
because it has automatic transmission, cruise control,
power steering, power brakes, and power door locks."
HELPLINE: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "How do I work it?"
HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?"
CUSTOMER: "Do I know how to what?"
HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?"
CUSTOMER: "I'm not a technical person! I just want to go places in my
car!"
WINDOZE QUOTES
• "How much do Windows cost, and do you have to buy each one separately?"
• Customer: "How much do Windows cost?"
Tech Support: "Windows costs about $100."
Customer: "Oh, that's kind of expensive. Can I buy just one window?"
• Tech Support: "Do you have any windows open right now?"
Customer: "Are you crazy woman, it's twenty below outside..."
• "I try to avoid using Microsoft. That's why I use MS-DOS."
• Tech Support: "How can I help you?"
Customer: "Well, everything is working fine, but there is one program that is not."
Tech Support: "What program is it?"
Customer: "It's called 'MSDOS Prompt'."
Tech Support: "What's wrong with it?"
Customer: "Well, I click on it, a black screen shows up with NOTHING but a sign that reads: 'C:\WINDOWS>', and it just sits there and doesn't do anything. I have to turn off the system to go back to Windows."
• Customer: "File manager? What's that?"
Tech Support: "How long have you had your computer?"
Customer: "Three years."
• "I have a 386 Pentium."
• "My brother has a 486 with a Pentium chip in it."
• Customer: "The computer told me it had contagious memory. Does it have a virus?"
Tech Support: "No, that is 'contiguous' memory, as in 'sequential'."
Customer: "That is impossible, it said 'contagious'."
Tech Support: "Type 'mem' and hit the 'enter' key." Customer: "Oh."
• "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."
• Customer: "How much do Windows cost?"
Tech Support: "Windows costs about $100."
Customer: "Oh, that's kind of expensive. Can I buy just one window?"
• Tech Support: "Do you have any windows open right now?"
Customer: "Are you crazy woman, it's twenty below outside..."
• "I try to avoid using Microsoft. That's why I use MS-DOS."
• Tech Support: "How can I help you?"
Customer: "Well, everything is working fine, but there is one program that is not."
Tech Support: "What program is it?"
Customer: "It's called 'MSDOS Prompt'."
Tech Support: "What's wrong with it?"
Customer: "Well, I click on it, a black screen shows up with NOTHING but a sign that reads: 'C:\WINDOWS>', and it just sits there and doesn't do anything. I have to turn off the system to go back to Windows."
• Customer: "File manager? What's that?"
Tech Support: "How long have you had your computer?"
Customer: "Three years."
• "I have a 386 Pentium."
• "My brother has a 486 with a Pentium chip in it."
• Customer: "The computer told me it had contagious memory. Does it have a virus?"
Tech Support: "No, that is 'contiguous' memory, as in 'sequential'."
Customer: "That is impossible, it said 'contagious'."
Tech Support: "Type 'mem' and hit the 'enter' key." Customer: "Oh."
• "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."
CONVERSATIONS WITH TECHNICAL SUPPORT
• Tech Support: "What version of the Mac OS are you using?"
Customer: "Word 6.0."
• Tech Support: "What browser are you using, Netscape or Microsoft?"
Customer: "Netscape."
Tech Support: "Could you read to me what it says at the top of the window?"
Customer: "'Global Travel Conference - Microsoft Internet Explorer'."
• Tech Support: "Are you installing on a Mac?"
Customer: "No, I'm using a 3.5" thingee on a disk."
• Tech Support: "This has Windows 98 on it -- did it have Windows 98 or 95 on it when it was sent out for repair?"
Customer: "I think it had Office 97."
• Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?"
Customer: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?"
• Customer: "I keep getting an error message whenever I try using the MSDOS mode in Windows 95."
Tech Support: "Can you describe what happens?"
Customer: "Well, I keep getting a black screen with an error message saying, 'C:\WINDOWS>'."
• Tech Support: "which drive is your CD ROM?"
Customer: "the top one."
• Customer: "Do I hit 'F' and '8' at the same time?"
• Tech Support: "Your password will be...a small 'a' as in apple, a capital 'V' as in Victor, the number '7' "
Customer: "Is that a capital '7'?"
• Tech Support: "Ok, let's try once more, but use lower case letters..."
Customer: "Uh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard."
Customer: "Word 6.0."
• Tech Support: "What browser are you using, Netscape or Microsoft?"
Customer: "Netscape."
Tech Support: "Could you read to me what it says at the top of the window?"
Customer: "'Global Travel Conference - Microsoft Internet Explorer'."
• Tech Support: "Are you installing on a Mac?"
Customer: "No, I'm using a 3.5" thingee on a disk."
• Tech Support: "This has Windows 98 on it -- did it have Windows 98 or 95 on it when it was sent out for repair?"
Customer: "I think it had Office 97."
• Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?"
Customer: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?"
• Customer: "I keep getting an error message whenever I try using the MSDOS mode in Windows 95."
Tech Support: "Can you describe what happens?"
Customer: "Well, I keep getting a black screen with an error message saying, 'C:\WINDOWS>'."
• Tech Support: "which drive is your CD ROM?"
Customer: "the top one."
• Customer: "Do I hit 'F' and '8' at the same time?"
• Tech Support: "Your password will be...a small 'a' as in apple, a capital 'V' as in Victor, the number '7' "
Customer: "Is that a capital '7'?"
• Tech Support: "Ok, let's try once more, but use lower case letters..."
Customer: "Uh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard."
Computer Addict
To my darling husband......
Dear John,
I am sending you this letter in a bogus software company envelope so that you will be sure to read it. Please forgive the deception, but I thought you should know what has been going on at home since your IBM computer entered our lives two years ago.
The children are doing well. Tommy is 7 now and is a bright, handsome boy. He has developed quite an interest in the arts. He drew a family portrait for a school project. All the figures were good, but yours was excellent! The chair and the back of your head are very realistic. You would be proud of him.
Little Jennifer turned 3 in September. She looks a lot like you did at that age. She is an attractive child and quite smart. She still remembers that you spent the whole afternoon with us on her birthday. What a grand day for Jen, despite the fact that it was stormy and the electricity was out.
I am also doing well. I went blonde about a year ago and was delighted to discover that it really is more fun. Lars--I mean Mr. Swenson, the department head, has taken an interest in my career and has become a good friend to us all. I have discovered that the household chores are much easier since I realized that you don't mind being vacuumed around, although that feather duster does make you sneeze. The house is in good shape. I had the living room painted last spring. I'm not sure if you noticed it. I made sure that the painters cut air holes in the drop cloth so you wouldn't smother. Well, dear, I must be going. Uncle Lars - Mr. Swenson, I mean, is taking us all on a ski trip and there is packing to do. I have hired a housekeeper to take care of thing while we are away. She'll keep things in order, fill your coffee cup, and bring your meals to your desk, -just the way you like it. I hope you and IBM have a lovely time while we are gone.
Tommy, Jen and I think of you often - try to remember us while your disks are booting.
Love, Mary.
Dear John,
I am sending you this letter in a bogus software company envelope so that you will be sure to read it. Please forgive the deception, but I thought you should know what has been going on at home since your IBM computer entered our lives two years ago.
The children are doing well. Tommy is 7 now and is a bright, handsome boy. He has developed quite an interest in the arts. He drew a family portrait for a school project. All the figures were good, but yours was excellent! The chair and the back of your head are very realistic. You would be proud of him.
Little Jennifer turned 3 in September. She looks a lot like you did at that age. She is an attractive child and quite smart. She still remembers that you spent the whole afternoon with us on her birthday. What a grand day for Jen, despite the fact that it was stormy and the electricity was out.
I am also doing well. I went blonde about a year ago and was delighted to discover that it really is more fun. Lars--I mean Mr. Swenson, the department head, has taken an interest in my career and has become a good friend to us all. I have discovered that the household chores are much easier since I realized that you don't mind being vacuumed around, although that feather duster does make you sneeze. The house is in good shape. I had the living room painted last spring. I'm not sure if you noticed it. I made sure that the painters cut air holes in the drop cloth so you wouldn't smother. Well, dear, I must be going. Uncle Lars - Mr. Swenson, I mean, is taking us all on a ski trip and there is packing to do. I have hired a housekeeper to take care of thing while we are away. She'll keep things in order, fill your coffee cup, and bring your meals to your desk, -just the way you like it. I hope you and IBM have a lovely time while we are gone.
Tommy, Jen and I think of you often - try to remember us while your disks are booting.
Love, Mary.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
IT Fun Shit
IT
Information technology (IT) is "the acquisition, processing, storage and dissemination of vocal, pictorial, textual and numerical information by a microelectronics-based combination of computing and telecommunications".[1] The term in its modern sense first appeared in a 1958 article published in the Harvard Business Review, in which authors Leavitt and Whisler commented that "the new technology does not yet have a single established name. We shall call it information technology."[2]
Fun
Shit
Shit is usually considered a vulgarity and profanity in Modern English. As a noun it refers to fecal matter (excrement) and as a verb it means to defecate or defecate in; in the plural ("the shits") it means diarrhea. Shite is also a common variant in British English and Ireland English.[1] As a slang term, it has many meanings, including: nonsense, foolishness, something of little value or quality, trivial and usually boastful or inaccurate talk, or a contemptible person. It may also be used as an expression of annoyance, surprise, or anger.
******************
Uglavnem pisal in objavljal bom samo smešne stvari katere se dogajajo ali so povezane z IT okoljem.
Information technology (IT) is "the acquisition, processing, storage and dissemination of vocal, pictorial, textual and numerical information by a microelectronics-based combination of computing and telecommunications".[1] The term in its modern sense first appeared in a 1958 article published in the Harvard Business Review, in which authors Leavitt and Whisler commented that "the new technology does not yet have a single established name. We shall call it information technology."[2]
Fun
Fun is the enjoyment of pleasure and, according to Johan Huizinga, "an absolutely primary category of life, familiar to everybody at a glance right down to the animal level."[1] Fun may be encountered in many human activities during work, social functions, recreation and play, and even seemingly mundane activities of daily living. The distinction between enjoyment and fun is difficult to articulate but real,[2] fun being a more spontaneous, playful, and active event.
Fun can also refer to the activity itself that is enjoyable, thus "skiing is fun", however, a bad fall may "take the fun out of skiing".
The perception of time is shortened when one is "having fun".[3]
Shit
Shit is usually considered a vulgarity and profanity in Modern English. As a noun it refers to fecal matter (excrement) and as a verb it means to defecate or defecate in; in the plural ("the shits") it means diarrhea. Shite is also a common variant in British English and Ireland English.[1] As a slang term, it has many meanings, including: nonsense, foolishness, something of little value or quality, trivial and usually boastful or inaccurate talk, or a contemptible person. It may also be used as an expression of annoyance, surprise, or anger.
******************
Uglavnem pisal in objavljal bom samo smešne stvari katere se dogajajo ali so povezane z IT okoljem.
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